I like to call it the aftermath of pregnancy

I like to call it the aftermath of pregnancy.

The delivery, the recovery, the indescribable hormones that are racing through your body and the expectation to bounce right back mentally and physically.

For nine months you’ve been building up to this point.

Mama now what do I do? 

My first born was my Son Maximus Grizzly.

I gain 50 pounds!

I was a freak during this pregnancy.

Max is our Rainbow Baby, something I've never opened up about.

I keep those memories in a box and I just don’t open it.

I may or may not ever open it.

My second born, Madison May I gained 30 pounds.

I watched what I ate way more with this pregnancy.

Currently I am 160 pounds.

My husband and I just joined VASA Fitness.

I heared about them online and we went to take a tour of the facility.

Man oh man!

Right when I walked through those doors all I felt was intimidation.

Automatically, everyone just started staring at me.. ALL EYES WERE ON ME.

Okay obviously not but it sure felt that way.

This weight-loss journey is not easy for me.

Even with a gym membership!

When you hear all these people saying

“working out makes you feel so good!”

“Don’t you feel so good right now?”

no.. no I don’t.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

I’m exhausted and out of breath and I know I’m not going to be able to walk normal tomorrow!

I can’t be the only one feeling this way.

This is only the beginning of the journey for me and so far it’s pretty excruciating.

I’m so sore, I constantly question and ask myself is this seriously worth it?

All this time, all this pain, dedication, the energy I have to put into getting the kids ready dropping them off, getting myself motivated going down there and actually putting in the work to see real results?

It’s hard for me.

I constantly see these women on social platforms that just exude beauty, fitness and perfection. I’m so far from that but I still compare myself to those women and asked why me?

Why can’t I bounce back and look just like that.

I don’t just bounce back from pregnancies, I have to work really hard.

Juggling being a mom-a wife- friend -housekeeper-boo-boo kisser-back scratcher-chef-maid-referee-sister etc.

I have so many things to do this just doesn’t seem possible.

And that’s when I took a step back and I realized, I never mentioned myself one single time.

I asked myself if this weight loss is worth it? Yes! Yes it’s going to be worth it!

My kids are always going to come first my husband and marriage are always going to come first.. where did I fit in?

Where do I fit in.

And that’s when I realized I need to invest in myself.

I need to be my biggest cheerleader.

I’m not gonna say one of these cheesy quotes you have to love yourself before others can love you back.

I totally don’t believe that.

I don’t believe that if you’re Struggling to find self love that others can’t love you.

So I’m not gonna say that.

Self love isn’t a destination it’s a journey.

I’m going to say this is where I become number 1.2

I’m going to come right after my children and make sure that I find time to celebrate who I am. I’m going to nourish my body with healthy foods, I’m going to exercise to give my muscles and my mind energy.

I'm going to give my family the best version of me possible.

I’m going to do this because I want to, Not because Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest is influencing me to be like that.

Do it for yourself. Your mind body and soul.

So mama now what?

Now it’s time to invest in yourself